May 14, 2014

As I write this, it has been 679 days since the accident that rocked our world and changed our lives.

People told me then that some things would get easier--like breathing.

And they were right.  I can now go days without panic attacks and fighting back the tears.  I can now close my eyes to rest and not have to visit that place--most of the time.

As I wrote about in a previous post, good things do indeed happen after such a tragedy; but they never, ever will make the tragedy worth it.  They will, however, make the tragedy more bearable.

The Sidewalk Prophets never set out to make our personal tragedy more bearable.  When they wrote and recorded the song, "Live Like That," they surely did not have our family in mind.  But God has a way of weaving lives together as He sees the big picture.

In the chaos that followed the accident, I have no idea the exact moment that the song we would sing on the way to school many mornings became our theme song--our hope to hold on to.  But it did.  And just like that we became connected to a band--a small group of followers serving the Lord through words and music.

We never imagined that we would be invited to attend one of their concerts in Knoxville a few months after the boys' deaths.  I would not be honest if I did not say that it was a bit awkward as we toured their bus.  Reconciling the moment with the reason for the moment was no small feat.  There was no separating the two because without one there would not have been the other.  I admit that I was personally too raw to thoroughly "enjoy" our brief encounter with the guys, but God still used it as a salve to add another layer of healing.

And when the band played "Live Like That" a short time later; and Dave (intentionally or not) looked me in the eyes, God again reminded me that He was not leaving me or forsaking me. 

Our family has faced many, many moments of hurt over the last 679 days; and there have been many times I wished that I had had the freedom to momentarily exact my own kind of justice through words or actions or both. But then I would remember that I have committed to LIVE LIKE THAT.

Today, we once again will have the opportunity to meet with the Sidewalk Prophets since they are holding a concert right here in our own little part of the world.  This very moment I am feeling anxious; and a part of me wants to just crawl back into my bed, because once again, I have some reconciling to do.  

But isn't that the whole point of the Gospel?  Reconciliation. It has never been easy.  It comes at a very great price.  

To God be the glory.